Be Good-at-Deliveries

The call box rang. “It’s Craig with Instacart,” he said.

“Oh, thanks! You can just leave it right there. We’ll come get it soon.”

Usually they don’t even call. They just text that they dropped it off — a bonus of Instacart for us introverts.

Thank goodness for Insta, as I like to call it. They came to our zip code a few months ago. Previously it had been available across the street from us in the next zip code over, but not on our side of the block.

I’ve barely been to the grocery store since. In fact, I even removed the weekly event from my calendar. I replaced it with a reminder that says, “Order Insta! And give thanks!”

On this Sunday, we needed some paper towels, which called for a Target Instacart. I had also been craving some Chex Mix.

We had to order other items, of course, to get to the $35 free delivery minimum, but this was no problem. Toilet paper was in dire straits as was floss.

Little L asked for some wet wipes too.

Axel waited a couple minutes to make sure Craig had cleared out, then went down, grabbed the order, and started unpacking it.

Spotting an unfamiliar object on the dining room table, I asked, “Did you add these to the order?”

There may have even been some judgment in my voice, if you want to reread that last line with accurate tone.

You did the math right. You could get through most of a year doing a daily lint removal.

Axel looked at the four huge lint remover refills. “No. I assumed you did.”


“Want to see if you can contact our shopper?”

Sadly the Instacart chat was unavailable and I couldn’t ask Craig to come back and retrieve the errant item. He was lucky I’d already rated him, because bringing unwanted stuff might be enough to leave off a star — or a Punch, if you will.

“You use those,” Axel said.

“But I already have a ton.” I’ve been drowning in travel lint removers for years. Maybe I should get a dog.

When I tried to pawn these off on my brother’s girlfriend, she expressed a similar sentiment. “I made a mistake of buying a multipack a few years ago. I still have so many.”

Then, at the bottom of the Target bag, I spotted another uninvited item.


This one, however, wasn’t as offensive.

In fact, we could have used some soap, and I’d forgotten to add it. Look what Craig had gifted us: yummy-smelling lavender body wash.

Lavender is my favorite scent!

Every time I step in the shower now, the body wash brings me joy.

Marie Kondo would approve.

See? We really did run out of soap!

And every time I see the lint removers in the laundry room, they bring me anti-joy.

Imagine Marie Kondo scowling.

I wonder who was more upset about the 280 misplaced lint removing sheets – the person who didn’t receive what they had legitimately ordered, or me.

But I forgive Craig, because he brought everything else on the Target list, and he delivered it right to my home.

Plus, maybe next time I order something, I’ll leave the lint removers downstairs with a note that says, “Please return me.”

I won’t call Craig to tell him though.

I’ll just send a text.