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Stages of Mulch

By Carissa Tobin

FRI JUN 04, 2021

Mama and a pile of mulch.
Mama and a pile of mulch.
  1. Ignorance - Huh? What is mulch? Why do I need more?
  2. Enthusiasm - Sure! Let’s get some mulch!
  3. Confusion - Wait, how much will we need? What color?
  4. Desperation - Where will we get it? How much is a cubic yard? Will it fit in a Honda Civic? Can we have it delivered?
  5. Denial - No WAY can delivery of mulch cost $130!
  6. Luck - Oh, wow! A place that delivers for a quarter of that! And the mulch is cheaper! Might as well get an extra cubic yard...
  7. Surprise - What? It was already delivered? Better go check the driveway.
  8. Reality - That is a BIG pile of mulch.
  9. Worry - Better get the mulch spread NOW. What if someone comes by and takes our mulch? What if it rains and gets all wet? Protect the mulch at all costs!
  10. Exhaustion - It’s HOT out here and it might take another 100 wheelbarrows to get this stuff spread.
  11. Calculation - Ummm, no, we got WAY too much of this.
  12. Acceptance - We can’t finish today. Yes, kind neighbor, we’ll borrow your tarp to put over it tonight in case it rains.
  13. Skepticism - Is it possible we didn’t order ENOUGH mulch? What if we need MORE?
  14. Overload - Just kidding. We did order enough. Way. Too. Much.
  15. Fun - A hill of mulch is great for playing on. As we scoop the mulch up, Little L screams, stop taking the mulch!
  16. Hoarding - Let’s bag the rest of this mulch in yard bags and STORE IT IN THE GARAGE. We won't need mulch for years.
  17. Wishful thinking - If we leave it outside, would someone come take some? Could we put a "FREE" sign on this?
  18. Relief - My mom wants some mulch! “Can I have a bucket-full?” She asks. “How about 200 buckets-full?” I suggest.
  19. Storage - Eight huge yard bags of mulch. In the garage.
  20. Mulch-envy - Walking around the neighborhood, we comment on other people's mulch. The color, the depth. We are mulch people now.